i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
