I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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