you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish i was in the wii world.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
