I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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