No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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