i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
