something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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