Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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