...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
