you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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