I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
