sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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