and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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