ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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