I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
