You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
