i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
