Betty ford says i'm here all night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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