He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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