they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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