I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
soo... how was my night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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