Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
