so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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