8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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