the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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