Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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