Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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