went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
two words...techno handjob
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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