Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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