His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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