I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize