You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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