I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
