You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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