I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
