what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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