Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
