Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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