Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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