Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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