Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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