you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
