you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
