Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
tell me about the eggs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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