dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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