At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
