wrigley field is MILF paradise
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
