He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
