we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
