you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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