Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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