just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
