goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
