I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize