If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
