You're completely useless in the revolution.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
