I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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