Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
