I showed him my bush... on skype.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
