You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
