we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
