therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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