hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
